The Case of The Fiddling Fool
C.O.P.S File #816022 - It began when Berserko, Turbo Tu-tone, Ms. Demeanor, and Rock Krusher broke into the Melody Tunes Music Store and stole a rare Stradivarius violin worth a fortune. The Big Boss have decided to pursue a hobby of playing the violin. But an unfortunate breakage of the violin strings prompts his careless nephew Berserko, the one responsible for the breakage, to go after another stringed musical instrument which I, Bulletproof Vess plan to harp on. Here's how the caper came down.
LongArm: "What did they stole?"
The Proprietor: "They stole one thing - a very rare Stradivarius violin believed to be one of the very first violins ever made by the great Stradivarius. It was supposed to be on display over there by the cashier's desk. *pointing to the empty shelf on the wall there the violin once stood* But now it's gone and I have a real bad feeling I may not be able to see it again because of its highly appraised value."
LongArm: "What's it worth?"
The Proprietor: "$15,000,000"
Hardtop: "I'll say."
Bulletproof: "Can you describe the 4 suspects for us, sir?"
The Proprietor: "One of them, a lady, has a very witchy look on her face. She has blond hair, wears a red dress, and has blue-eyed makeup on her eyelids. I was very frightened by the way she ripped that door open with her bare hands. She tore that door apart as if it was made out of cardboard paper! The other 3 crooks with her are all men who are just as powerful as the lady herself. Each of them wore a blue outdated coat, an old prison uniform, and a pink shirt with a pair of suspenders holding his strange white bulgy pants up. One of them had huge handle-bar like mustache and small beard on his face, the other had really short blond hair and the most wickedest smile I ever saw, and the third one only had a bald head with a small prison cap on. All of them were carrying guns. They all barged in with their guns pointed to my face and demanded the violin on the shelf. I had no choice but to give them the violin or else I'll get blown away."
LongArm: "Did they took anything else?"
The Proprietor: "No, just the violin. But they did left behind the bow to the violin. I found it on the ground right by the roadside. They must have dropped it as they were running out of the store to get away with the instrument."
LongArm: "That figures."
Hardtop: "Don't worry, sir. We'll race that violin back to you and zoom those crooks to prison before you can say 'Gentlemen, start your engines!'"
Bulletproof: "Thank you for your cooperation, sir. We'll get right on it."
LongArm: "I bet I know who's behind the violin burglary."
Hardtop: "Yeah. And they all have the names 'Berserko, Ms.Demeanor, Turbo Tu-Tone, and Rock Krusher' written all over their faces."
LongArm: "And 'Big Boss,' too."
Meanwhile, at the penthouse of notorious crime leader The Big Boss…
Big Boss: "(mahh) Such a rare instrument you guys have heisted. Where'd you get it?"
Turbo Tu-Tone: "At that one Melodies Tune Music Store, boss. We've just stole it. The store manager claims it's one of the first violins that one Stradivarius dude built years ago."
Ms. Demeanor: "You mean the great Antonio Stradivari, Turbo. The man who flawlessly made such beautiful long-lasting violins like this one."
Berserko: "Can I play it, Uncle Big Boss? Huh? Can I play it?
Big Boss: "No!"
Berserko: "Awwww Come on! Pretty pleeeease, Uncle Big Boss? Can I play it, pleeeeeeeease?"
Big Boss: "No, you can't, Berserko! No one with dirty hands touches this here clean, shiny instrument and get it all mucked up. Besides, it's not for you or anyone else to play the violin but me. Only I will play the violin. Especially whenever I wanna take my mind off of those darn meddling C.O.P.S. (mahh) And *turning to Buttons McBoomBoom, his personal bodyguard* you McBoomBoom are gonna give me violin lessons so I can learn to play this thing like an angel."
Buttons McBoomBoom: "No sweat, boss. But there's only one problem.
Big Boss: "Meeah what's that?"
Buttons: "Where's the bow?"
Big Boss: "The bow? Why it's ahh..*looking about* …it's….aaahhh…. it should be here along with the violin, but I how come I don't see…..? *realizing the violin bow is missing* All right you guys! Where's the bow?"
Krusher: "Uhh, the bow?"
Big Boss: "Yes, the bow, you bald-headed boob! The bow I need to rub across the strings and make the violin sing?!"
Berserko: "Oh! That bow! Well it just so happens that I got it right here! *reaching into his coat and and pant pockets* At least it's right here… *looking about* I think…*looking about to find that the bow is missing* …uh guys, have you seen the bow around here?"
Ms. Demeanor: "You just had it, Berserko. You're the one who had that bow in your hand when we ran out of the store, remember?"
Berserko: "Yeah, I did…. or so did I….I..*realizing that he lost the bow*….aye yi yi yi yi…."
Turbo: "Don't tell me you lost it, Berserko. Did ya?"
Berserko: "Aye yi yi yi….."
Big Boss: *muttering* "(mahhhh) Of all the stinkin' lowdown….
"WHAM!" goes the Big Boss' iron fist on the desktop surface.
Scratch: "REOOOWWW!" *flies in the air and lands on Big Boss' head*
Big Boss: "GET YOUR FANNIES OUT THERE AND FIND THAT BOW BEFORE I BRING A HUGE SOUR NOTE TO YOUR HIDE IN FORM OF MY RIFLE CANE!!!!"
In a flash, the crooks are out the door and into the streets, heading for the same area they came from when they robbed the Melody Tunes Music Store a half in hour ago.
Big Boss: *grabs Scratch off his head to pet him* "(sigh) Just be thankful, Scratch you don't have to hear my version of 'Skullbashin' by The Stranglers being perform on all of my knuckleheads if I ever find them doing somethin' right for a change."
Continues next post…